Inequality, Racism, and Individual Responsibility

There has been so much talk the past month or two about the Trayvon Martin verdict. I've been thinking about this a lot and discussing with my husband and close friends. So, disclaimer before I tell you what I think: I'm not an expert, though I have a public defender background that informs a lot of my perspective. This only reflects my personal views and not of any organizations I am employed by or affiliated with. In no way am I trying to minimize the tragic circumstances of Trayvon's death, his family's loss, and the larger issues of racism (which is still alive and well!!) and what this incident represents to the black community. These are just my thoughts on a really tough case and what this should mean for each of us, who are not directly involved. 

1. We should be respectful of the jury's decision, even if we might disagree. I still believe our justice system, though eternally flawed, is still the best in the world. I also know that what the media portrays and what actually happens through the course of the trial can be very different. I truly believe that most jurors take their charge to find someone guilty or not guilty very seriously. I believe that the jurors in this case took this seriously and made a decision based on the evidence presented. They are asked to lay aside emotion and all other circumstances and decide a specific issue: whether or not George Zimmerman committed the crime he was accused of. Even if they wanted to convict, they did not feel the prosecution proved its case based on the universe of law they had to operate within. 
2. George Zimmerman is responsible for creating the situation, but that does not necessarily mean he is guilty of the crime charged. Of course Trayvon's death should never have happened. Of course it would not have happened, had he not been unfairly profiled due to his race, gender, and appearance. However, that in and of itself is not a crime, according to the laws in Florida.
3. Vilifying does not solve the problem. Vilifying a defendant in cases like this does not further a solution to the very deep-rooted and on-going race issues in our country. It only serves to increase tension and strife, and in reality, perpetuates the unfortunate and insidious type of assumptions about another person that led to Trayvon's death in the first place.
4. Acknowledging humanity in others goes a long way. George Zimmerman failed to recognize the individual humanity of Trayvon Martin when he became "suspicious" of his behavior. I wonder what could happen, if he just acknowledged his own human failing in that situation- that he fell prey to his own biases. And what would happen if we ourselves acknowledged to ourselves that we all have our biases and extend forgiveness to each other for them? I think it might open the door for meaningful and life changing conversations- because I truly believe that most real change in perspective and understanding of others comes from direct, honest, and one-on-one conversations with a person that seems "other" to you. Maybe this means for us to make progress in racial healing, we have to extend the acknowledgment of humanity to George Zimmerman as well, even if he failed to do so for Trayvon. It means to set an example to him of what it means not to judge someone you don't know, and not to make assumptions about someone's entire person because of one action they take. 
5. If we purport to care about racial issues, we should act on this in our own lives, every day. There has been a fair amount of outcry and outrage over the verdict. I think it's important that this case is a catalyst for conversation, but the conversation has to be meaningful. It is not meaningful to label someone else a racist. It will not change that person's views or biases. It is meaningful to form relationships with people who are different than you, and to practice respect and extend dignity to everyone you meet, regardless of how deserving or undeserving you think they are. I think that genuine relationships or extensions of kindness are how you ultimately change hearts and minds.

I'm trying to remember to find the humanity in the people I encounter every day. (Read this great opinion article in the Washington Post by an amazing defense attorney about finding humanity in "society's worst").

Thoughtful discussion welcome.

Simple Gifts

On Monday evening, we had a half sky of rain and half sky of sun and a perfect rainbow and produced an amazing gift of weather for a July in Ohio. It's beautiful and not a drop of humidity in the air. I've never walked outside during this time of the year and been able to enjoy the sun without working up a sweat before. It fills me with a little awe every time I walk outside. I suppose we might as well enjoy the fruits of global warming if we have to. 

Today, my co-worker and I took a short walk break around the block and stopped in the Cathedral Basilica to look around on a whim. It is stunning. You must at least look at this 360 degree photo here: http://rackphoto.com/pp/prayerplaces/st-marys-cathedral-basilica-of-the-assumption/. I had no idea that Covington, Kentucky was home to a church with the largest stained glass windows in the world. It reminds me that religion can bring beautiful expression out of people, and not just the ugly that it seems we are exposed to daily. 

Apropos of Nothing

I just love this song- it's so beautiful and it really gets me every time, so since it's Friday, I thought I'd post. Enjoy.

In the Name of Love

I've been thinking of this post since the U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act and Prop 8. Marriage equality is the source of such strong, impassioned opinion. Growing up in a conservative Christian home, I can't say that I always fell on the right side of this issue, though in my heart I always knew what felt right. My mother and I had a rather terse conversation about marriage equality, which resulted in her exclaiming aghast, "But you are a Christian!". Yes, I do consider myself a Christian. I believe in loving your neighbor as yourself. In loving all people the way Jesus did. I also consider myself American, and celebrate the freedom we have as Americans to believe as we will and do as we will (though lately, it seems with greater restriction). Here's what I believe deep in my heart about sexual identity: it is not something most, if any, of us choose. I also believe that if two people love each other and want to be committed to each other for life, it makes absolutely no sense not to honor that. How wonderful it is. I guarantee you that the vast majority of gay and lesbian couples that decide to adopt or choose other means to have children, that they will probably be equal or better parents than 80% of straight couples. They have to work much harder and show much more dedication to become parents. And, in the end, I simply don't understand why people of a certain religious belief feel so threatened by marriage equality. First of all, I fail to see how this is harming others. Secondly, we live in a country where we are blessed to believe what we wish about religious, and it is hypocritical to insist on your own beliefs and taking away that choice from others. Finally, this doesn't take away from marriage- it elevates how special it is to some of us, and honors that choice of commitment.

Which brings me to my second thought on love: real, sustaining, committed love is a choice. While there are some out there who may fall in love a la Romeo and Juliet (all consuming, desperate, dramatic, throw all caution to the wind kind of love), that's not reality for most of us and there's nothing wrong with that! I think it's a great shame when people let go of great partnerships because they've been led to believe that if you don't feel that Romeo and Juliet love about someone, then it must not be meant to be. The husband and I went to see Before Midnight yesterday. It was by far the best of the three movie series, because it was so real. I read a review where the reviewer regretted seeing this side of the relationship between Celine and Jesse, after the loving romance of the first two movies. I feel the opposite: gone is that young, generalized, self-indulgent love, and instead it's reality: love can be work, love might mean making a choice at the end of a hard day or ugly disagreement that you will stay and continue to accept the other person. That you will choose to remember all the things that make you great together. I think that kind of love is the most beautiful. But that's just my opinion.

What Matters

One of the nicer things about getting older is gaining perspective. If you haven't found that age has been helping you gain perspective, I highly recommend looking into it. What mattered on my 31st birthday was different than say, my 21st. No need to get a large group of friends together to celebrate- I love my friends and feel loved all the time. My husband does nice things for me and shows his love regardless of the day. Like when I've been cranky and sick for the past two weeks and he has taken care of me. Like the day he got home from work early and made a huge pot of chili. I'm just generally happy to be me, and though there will always be room for improvement and growth, I am aware of who I am, who I used to be, and it's all good.

Another happy symptom of age or growth is the ability to let things go. I'm certainly not perfect at this, but it's much easier now to understand that many people I've invested in during my lifetime are just going to be temporarily part of my life. They were there and I learned what lessons I could, and then it's time to move on. I used to agonize over this (and still do some), about what it all means, about what cutting of ties would mean about my investment, or about who I am- but, as my best friend and I discussed recently, it's not a statement of any of that. We learn from each other (hopefully), and then we continue on with those lessons to hopefully be better than we were before. I think for most people, the scope of your social world starts to narrow as you become an adult, and that's not always a bad thing. You just hang on to the friends that you can pick up with at any point in time and enjoy what time you have with each other.

I worry that social media unhealthily makes us linger rather than moving on. (Read a great piece from the Times on how social media diminishes the quality of our social connections). The temptation to know what happened to people after your intersection with their lives is huge. Connections that really have ended a long time ago are still holding on by fragments through Facebook and the like. Not that it's bad to "keep in touch" this way, but it can also become the breeding grounds for showing off, comparing, and passive cyber stalking. It makes it hard to say what needs to be said (implicitly) sometimes: "I care about you and wish you the best, but we don't need to keep tabs on each other anymore. I free you from this obligation so you can live your own life more fully. I've learned from you and I hope you have learned from me."

ING sent me this video for my birthday, which I know is an advertising gimmick, but all the same, I thought it was sweet. Plus the paper tears are cute. So I'll end  this random rambling on this note: