In the Name of Love

I've been thinking of this post since the U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act and Prop 8. Marriage equality is the source of such strong, impassioned opinion. Growing up in a conservative Christian home, I can't say that I always fell on the right side of this issue, though in my heart I always knew what felt right. My mother and I had a rather terse conversation about marriage equality, which resulted in her exclaiming aghast, "But you are a Christian!". Yes, I do consider myself a Christian. I believe in loving your neighbor as yourself. In loving all people the way Jesus did. I also consider myself American, and celebrate the freedom we have as Americans to believe as we will and do as we will (though lately, it seems with greater restriction). Here's what I believe deep in my heart about sexual identity: it is not something most, if any, of us choose. I also believe that if two people love each other and want to be committed to each other for life, it makes absolutely no sense not to honor that. How wonderful it is. I guarantee you that the vast majority of gay and lesbian couples that decide to adopt or choose other means to have children, that they will probably be equal or better parents than 80% of straight couples. They have to work much harder and show much more dedication to become parents. And, in the end, I simply don't understand why people of a certain religious belief feel so threatened by marriage equality. First of all, I fail to see how this is harming others. Secondly, we live in a country where we are blessed to believe what we wish about religious, and it is hypocritical to insist on your own beliefs and taking away that choice from others. Finally, this doesn't take away from marriage- it elevates how special it is to some of us, and honors that choice of commitment.

Which brings me to my second thought on love: real, sustaining, committed love is a choice. While there are some out there who may fall in love a la Romeo and Juliet (all consuming, desperate, dramatic, throw all caution to the wind kind of love), that's not reality for most of us and there's nothing wrong with that! I think it's a great shame when people let go of great partnerships because they've been led to believe that if you don't feel that Romeo and Juliet love about someone, then it must not be meant to be. The husband and I went to see Before Midnight yesterday. It was by far the best of the three movie series, because it was so real. I read a review where the reviewer regretted seeing this side of the relationship between Celine and Jesse, after the loving romance of the first two movies. I feel the opposite: gone is that young, generalized, self-indulgent love, and instead it's reality: love can be work, love might mean making a choice at the end of a hard day or ugly disagreement that you will stay and continue to accept the other person. That you will choose to remember all the things that make you great together. I think that kind of love is the most beautiful. But that's just my opinion.