After a prolonged summer and strange short fall, winter seems to be creeping in stealthily and rapidly. I can't tell if the sniffling haze my head is in is a continuation of allergies or if I'm finally, truly, succumbing to a cold. I suppose I will find out soon. Our due date is also rapidly approaching, if not quite stealthily since it seems every day I am newly surprised at how much further my stomach can stretch. The books and online baby websites tell me I have some 4-6 pounds of baby growth to go, though I can't currently even imagine this.
When February comes, it will just be a little over a year after the loss of the first little friend I had growing inside of me. I've been incredibly blessed so far this time around with a relatively easy pregnancy, though it's still been a constant fight to balance caution and self-care with rampant paranoia and fear. The amount of potential problems and dangers in pregnancy that can be discovered on the internet is endless and ridiculous. Some days it's hard to keep faith that just because things went badly once, that they wouldn't go badly again, and also hard to comprehend how even more devastating it could be if things went badly this time. I just had a really bizarre week of crazy dry eye and a tiny possible case of the shingles??
Most days, though, I try to live in the now- things are good, I am healthy, the baby is healthy and kicking, and it's all gone by so very fast. It's been interesting to go through the pregnancy experience, with unexpected (or totally expected) feelings about my changing body, and things I can't do or eat or drink. The nearing holidays herald my last trimester, and for me and this baby girl, I'm committing to taking a step back from the usual stressors of gifts, shopping, and family, and just trying to focus on gratitude.
Generally, when people ask me if this is my first, I say yes. While technically this is my second pregnancy but my first child, who really wants to know that backstory? At the same time, I feel torn because I want more people to know about how common and difficult pregnancy loss is. I want them to know that even though I am having a fairly breezy pregnancy, it came after a really hard time. I want other women who are trying or have gone through pregnancy loss to know that it's not just them, and all those awful ugly emotions you go through happen to a lot of us. So, for all of you, I wanted to share this great blog post (that has links to a few other great posts): http://www.lipstickandpolitics.com/lipstick/why-cant-we-talk-about-miscarriage. I'm thinking of you.
Generally, when people ask me if this is my first, I say yes. While technically this is my second pregnancy but my first child, who really wants to know that backstory? At the same time, I feel torn because I want more people to know about how common and difficult pregnancy loss is. I want them to know that even though I am having a fairly breezy pregnancy, it came after a really hard time. I want other women who are trying or have gone through pregnancy loss to know that it's not just them, and all those awful ugly emotions you go through happen to a lot of us. So, for all of you, I wanted to share this great blog post (that has links to a few other great posts): http://www.lipstickandpolitics.com/lipstick/why-cant-we-talk-about-miscarriage. I'm thinking of you.
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