Silence

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”
― Ansel Adams

I've been driving to and from work largely in silence, lately. There are too many words and clutter and it really gets hard to see clearly sometimes. Too much about the ridiculous government shutdown. Talking points, talking points, talking points. No substance. 

Maybe it'd be more bearable if I haven't also been bombarded by a host of family issues. It's easy to retreat into my own little life here in Cincinnati, where the world still feels like my oyster, and it's for the most part, drama free. Unfortunately, the box of crazy that my mother has managed to open up following my dad's death over 10 years ago has been unrelentingly progressing down a course of total calamity. Dramatic words, I know, but you wouldn't quite believe me if I told you. And I've heard some crazy and sad stories in my line of work. One day I'm going to write a book about it.

If you have family members or other loved ones that are constantly in crisis, sometimes it feels like a boulder from which you'll never quite be able to extricate all your limbs. It's a lifetime of practice to be able to separate yourself from the smothering hopelessness to preserve yourself. It is a lot of work.

So, I've been driving in silence to drown it out. I tried something different this week. I committed to lighting a candle each day and just praying for my family. Nothing huge or crazy, but it was something more than what I've really done before. No harm to it, really, when it seems like there's nothing else to try. Some really great friends even fasted a day for me. *Somehow the rest of this post didn't get saved! Redo*. That same day, I got connected with a great resource and some referrals for my mom and sister. Nice.

Trying to savor the time I have for silence- I know there might not be a lot in the months to come, but I hope can can hold on to the memory of the peaceful nothingness, at the very least.