Reasons

I'm starting to hate the phrase "Everything happens for a reason." I know I've been guilty of using it. It's not that I don't believe that many things happen for a reason, or that things often will work out in the end. It's just that people seem to employ it as some sort of comfort when terrible things happen. I've been hearing it a bit, recently, in response to my miscarriage. It's really not that comforting. At all. In the context of my recent struggle, these are my thoughts: I understand there is a scientific reason for my miscarriage. But there's no other great "reason" for why it happened, or why it happens to anyone. I think that most crappy things happen because of the human condition- our frailties, our mistakes, our choices- not on an individual level, necessarily, but on a macro scale. Everything we do affects everyone else around us. The things others do affects us. And I'm going to take a few seconds to talk about my beliefs, with the disclaimer that this is just what I think, and you can think whatever it is you think!

I don't personally believe that God puts misery in your life for some divine reason that you will figure out later. I do believe that my faith helps me get through those difficult times and helps me put a context to my life. But the proposition that, for instance, I had a miscarriage, and some day all this sadness will "make sense" seems silly to me. Has it helped me be more empathetic to women trying to conceive? Sure. Will I be able to talk to others about it who go through it in the future? Sure. But how does that make me feel any better about having the loss? It's no less sucky. And please, tell me some more compelling possible reasons as to why it happened (other than the science). I'm dying to know what is in store for me.

Is it horribly cynical to believe that sometimes bad things just happen and we learn to survive them? That not all terrible things have some big picture meaning? I'm not saying there's no hope of healing and feeling better, because we will heal and feel better in time. Just don't tell me that one day I will have an ah-ha moment that will help me somehow be glad it happened, or some nonsense. Seriously.