Today I've been struck with a fear that I have become that crazy woman that I don't want to be! It's a slippery slope. After the miscarriage, I read some books on fertility. Really liked Taking Charge of Your Fertility because it was really great information in general about the woman's reproductive system. Then I decided after last month's disappointment of getting my period that I would start charting my temperature. I know, what is happening to me? Then, I spent a good two hours this morning obsessively wondering about why my temperature is spiking up and down and hasn't stayed up after I should have ovulated. Then thinking that I will start using the pee strips. This all seems so ridiculous since it only took 2-3 months to get pregnant the first time. Obviously, I can, right? Who is this person?! EW!
I can't help but wonder how many more months I will have a mini meltdown when I get my period (which also seems to coincide with being suddenly inundated with pregnant women, babies, people talking about babies, people with babies, babies, babies, babies). I hate it because suddenly I feel like the worst version of myself. I don't want people to know about this worst version: she's jealous, angry, resentful, and miserable. It doesn't last long, at least in its more extreme forms. But it's there. You try living with her.
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